One of the first things I had to learn about having fibromyalgia was that my energy now had hard and strong limits. I only have so much energy in any given day, and it runs out fast. Pushing myself to do more only aggravated my fatigue and took longer and longer periods to recover.

Until then I had not realized how many different ways there were to expend energy, and that certain things take more energy than others. Everything we do in life requires energy, from the moment we wake up until the moment we go to bed we are using those energies.

We use those energies to accomplish our daily work, chores, and errands. We use those energies when dealing with family matters. We use those energies when we do our paperwork and pay our bills. Indeed everything we do requires energy, and when you run out as easily as I do you begin to become more mindful of that energy usage.

Positive energy comes from doing those things you enjoy most. Playing with your children, spending time with a loved one, snuggling with pets. These things may drain us to some extent, but overall they have positive effects on our energy levels.

Negative energies on the other hand have the power to drain our energy far faster than we may realize. When we allow negative energies to direct us, we can and will see the effects even when we are otherwise healthy.

What are negative energies?

Worry

Worry is a huge energy expenditure, and much of the time it is energy wasted. Worry has never once, in the history of mankind, accomplished anything. It has never paid a bill, cured an illness, stopped a war. Worry accomplishes nothing, but it is a huge drain on your energy stores.

Anger

Sometimes it just feels good to vent, but those sometimes can very quickly become a regular state of mind if you allow it. Anger rarely accomplishes your intended purpose, and it quite often turns a bad situation into something far worse.

Hatred

When we hate another we often see it as a sort of revenge, the problem is hatred hurts nobody but you. While the other person gets to go on with their life, you are continually sucked back into your hatred. Hatred has a way of draining not only your energy but the energy of those around you.

Expectations

While success gurus will often tell us to keep our expectations high, we must remember that those expectations only apply to ourselves. When we expect other people to live within our expectations, we are setting ourselves up for failure.

Resentment

We all have a few unresolved hurts in our lives, much of the time they remain unresolved because we are still waiting for something to happen before we let go of them. We could be awaiting on an apology, or for the other party to learn their lesson, or even on outside forces to remedy the problem. You don't need a resolution to let go, you really don't. All you accomplish when you wait it out is allowing your feelings to build until they are a constant drain on your energy sources.

When you begin to pay attention to not only where your energy is going, but what kind of energy you are using you will soon discover that learning how to live a life without negative energy drains is a path to true peace with yourself and the world you live in.

We all deserve to have peace in our lives, but peace does not come from the outside but from within yourself...

I’ve had some lousy relationships in my lifetime, and surprisingly it wasn’t all their fault. Even if it was something as simple as not being myself in the beginning, not standing up for myself and what I wanted, not walking away when I realized things were headed south.

For whatever reason, those relationships did not work, and since I was one half of the relationship, I feel at least one half responsible for their failure. After a time though, you begin to realize that dysfunctional relationships in whatever form are emotionally and sometimes physically exhausting.

Let’s face it, the perfect relationship is not only unsustainable, but unattainable. It simply does not exist. Perhaps if it were possible for two perfect people to enter into a relationship perfection would be attainable, but since one perfect person has yet to be created, let alone two, anything resembling the perfect relationship is merely fantasy.

Fantasy is where we often get ourselves in trouble, because fantasy and reality never quite mesh the way we would like. When we have a fantasy of the perfect relationship, we are forced to either ignore everything that falls outside of that fantasy, or doomed to a life of frustration.

Instead of working towards the perfect relationship, placing your focus on merely having a healthy relationship makes sense. I’ve seen a great many unhealthy relationships, but it was the healthy relationships I watched the closest, not just watched but studied.

What was it they had that I did not? Why were they able to make it work when I kept falling short? It was a long term experiment, a lot of trial and error, a lot of failures, but I finally realized that the keys to healthy relationships really aren’t rocket science after all.

1. Respect

That’s it, plain and simple respect ran through all of the healthy relationships I witnessed, and was frequently absent in the rest. Simple things, teasing one another, small insults, offhanded comments, all of those things tear down the fabric of a relationship.

If something you say hurts the other persons feelings, it is not your job to defend why you did it or why it was right to do so but to simply say “I’m sorry.” For their feelings belong to them, you or I have no right to define which feelings are correct, and which feelings are incorrect.

Speak to one another with respect, and speak about one another with respect. There will always be times when this is more difficult than others, but once a relationship falls into the habit of disrespectful behavior there is little hope of restoring it.

Begin always with a basis of respect and work from there.

2. Laughter

Laughter really is the best medicine, and should be taken in large doses as frequently as possible. It doesn’t count if it is at the expense of another, then only one person gets the benefit but it also crosses into the realm of being disrespectful.

My husband and I have no shortage of laughter inducing events in our life, with four kids and three dogs there is always something silly going on in our home. Taking the time to push stress aside and just laugh for the sake of laughter is one of the things I treasure most about our relationship.

3. Friendship

I remember when I was younger hearing people extol the virtues of friends first lovers second, but I didn’t really understand what it meant until recently. Like many young people I equated love with infatuation. I thought love was always supposed to be exciting, that I was always supposed to have butterflies, and every day would be a new adventure.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that love is quite often boring.

It was uncomfortable for a time, I kept waiting for the next big exciting thing to happen, for the butterflies to return to their daily flight patterns in my stomach and they didn’t. Instead my husband and I slipped into an easy and natural friendship, I still get butterflies to be sure but for the most part we really are friends first lovers second.

A huge part of that is treating one another as actual friends. After a time, the newness of a relationship wears off, and we tend to slip into a place where the one we love the most, must also bear the brunt of the daily tension and frustrations.

We don’t have difficulty being polite and cordial with our friends, but we forget to extend that same courtesy to those we are most intimate with, our own family.

4. Security

Insecurity kills relationships.

That bears repeating, insecurity KILLS relationships.

There are many different kinds of insecurity, the kind that is rooted in self-esteem issues is one of the worst. Leading to jealousy, false accusations, suspicion. It is never a good thing, ever.

Some suspicion is rooted in fact, if this is the case then it is probably wise to reevaluate why you are still in the relationship and being truly honest with yourself, is the relationship really worth saving?

Insecurity without cause is rooted not in the partner but in self, when you don’t particularly like yourself it is unfair and unrealistic to expect someone else to fill that void for you. If you have self-esteem issues, make it a priority to address them as soon as possible.

That being said, security is a requirement for a stable relationship, the security of knowing you are loved, knowing you are trusted, knowing that your partner will be there for you no matter what comes your way.

Each of us deserves a secure and loving relationship that builds us up instead of tearing us down.

5. Balance

Last but far from least is balance. Balance is really the key to happiness in any area of life. We must not spend more than we make, we must not eat more calories than we burn, we must not take more than we give. When one part of our life is out of balance, our whole life follows suit.

In the unhappiest times of any relationship you will often find that some sort of imbalance has occurred. One partner is doing the bulk of the giving while the other is doing most of the taking. Perhaps the partnership is unequal in other ways, one partner holds themselves as superior to the other in some way.

Whatever the imbalance, a happy relationship is almost impossible. Happiness comes from two partners who are equal in all ways, when taking is balanced by giving. Even the time spent together is best balanced by time spent apart. Time spent in joint activities balanced by time spent in pursuit of personal goals as well.

Absolute selfishness has never lead to a solid relationship, but nor has absolute selflessness. Giving is a part of every great relationship, but so is returning the kindness another shows you.

These tips don't just apply to your spouse, but to all intimate relationships, your parents, your children, in relationships as in life you reap exactly what you sow, so sow the seeds of healthy relationships always.

Happiness is within the reach of everyone, but you can’t be afraid to reach for it.

April 20, 2009 marked the tenth memorial of the Columbine massacre. Some call it an anniversary, but that word suggests celebration, and the events at Columbine leave little to celebrate.

Do we celebrate the hundreds who lived? Or do we remember the 13 who died? Do we celebrate the injured who have gone on to get married and have families, or do we remember those who never did? Do we declare victory or defeat?

Do we commend the five Columbine survivors who have gone on to become Columbine teachers? The family and friends who have gone on to spread a message of peace and hope in programs such as Rachel’s Challenge. Those who have found a way to better the world through their grief. We should, yes, we should.

For survivors are not born, they are made. A survivor isn’t always someone who actually took a bullet, or looked death directly in the face. A survivor is someone who has seen the worst that humanity has to offer and still finds a way to keep believing that there is still hope.

There has been enough hate, enough anger, enough pain and sorrow for many lifetimes. A true survivor seeks not to spread their pain further, but to heal. Even those who simply went on to become loving spouses and parents, who promised that the violence ended with them did their part, they did more than most of us will ever do in a lifetime.

A survivor does not become a survivor without first being damaged. When you have had a glimpse of hell, heaven becomes all the more beautiful. The life of another only becomes precious when you have accepted how fragile life really is. A survivor is someone who has been damaged, yet still picks themselves up and finds a way to go on.

Yes, there were survivors and they didn’t merely survive Columbine, they have had the courage to survive every day since.

Yet ten years later we must also ask, did we learn the lessons that were presented to us on that day?

Did parents teach their children to love instead of hate, to reach out instead of judge? Have they made the tie to listen to their children and be involved in their lives? Have they been able to put selfish desires aside and focus on raising the children they agreed to be responsible for?

Have teachers and staff learned to watch for those red flags and catch them before it is too late? Have they stepped in when they saw bullying and favoritism and taken the time to listen to a troubled child?

Has the media taken their responsibility for the violence in our society? Have they stopped chasing sensational stories, and parading them in front of us day in and day out? Have they taken their responsibility for elevating those who have come before to martyrdom, and continuing the cycle?

Have all of us done all that we can to ensure that our children, our schools and our communities are safe? Have any new laws been passed that might prevent further tragedy? Did we learn to put ourselves aside, to develop compassion for our fellow man?

Have we stepped forward? Have we made progress?

Have we learned anything? I hope so.

To all the survivors out there, no matter who you are. Thank you!

To the rest of us, we can do better.

Would you like to know more about the columbine survivors and where they are today? Read on at Squidoo>>>