My first book is about to be released in print. It's exciting, but at the same time it is frightening. I'm still not positive that I said what I wanted to say exactly the way I wanted to say it, but I think I came pretty close.

Most of the books I have read regarding abuse survivors have been overwhelmingly negative, they talk about the after effects, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the fear of intimacy, the inability to trust.

Those things certainly are byproducts of abuse, but along with the negative consequences come a great many skills that can actually help us when we see them for what they are.

Yes, survivors often have every reason to view the world as a negative place, but in the end that negativity only hurts us. The world is also a positive place, full of life affirming experiences. Life is beautiful but first we have to choose that beauty.

I can't tell you how often I have heard survivors describe themselves as broken, I have done so myself many times, but most of us really are far less broken than we imagine ourselves to be. What has been broken can be fixed, but far too many give up the hope of healing before they even start.

Life itself is a path that each of us must travel, and healing is only a part of that path if you choose to follow it.

Sometimes we tend to think of healing as a destination, thinking that some day we will finally be able to say, "that's it, I am healed." When we focus only on the destination we are missing the greatest things that life has to offer, it is the journey that is important, and as long as we keep ourselves moving towards healing, we can and will heal.

If we keep putting one foot in front of the other, if we just keep going no matter what gets in the way we will heal, but healing is a process, and that process continues throughout our lifetime.

In the end, where we have been isn't near as important as how far we have come.

"We are men, we are women, we are young and we are old. We all have our own unique stories, it hardly seems we have anything in common at all, but we are a family. We are a family because of what we do have in common. We are a family joined not by blood, but by spirit.

We are survivors, and we are stronger than any of us truly know or understand."

Excerpt from the upcoming book
'Sister, Survivor'
by Ayngel "Boshemia" Overson

We all come to a point in our lives where we have to much going on, and not enough of us to go around. We feel tired, stressed, overwhelmed.

If we don't pay attention, we end up in burnout mode...

I’ve spent the whole summer at a near dead run pace and my body finally shouted enough. That’s one of the things about living with fibromyalgia, you can only handle so much before your body rebels.

It always seems so important to accomplish EVERYTHING while I’m in the middle of it, then, when I find myself on my back staring at the ceiling and wishing it didn’t hurt so bad I remember WHY balance is so important.

It happens, and there really isn’t much we can do to avoid it when it does. Avoiding all stress is impossible, but you can learn to head it off at the pass as soon as you start feeling overwhelmed.

How do we find balance in our life when the heat is on?

1. Priorities, priorities, priorities - If you can’t do it all, take some time to decide what the most important things in your life are and focus on them. Sometimes you have to let the unimportant things slip by so that you can focus on the stuff that really matters.

2. Stop and breathe - There are times when life just becomes overwhelming for one reason or another. We get so busy doing that we forget to just take time to be. When you realize this is happening it is a good time to find a place to be alone and just spend some quiet time just breathing.

3. Just say no - Here is my downfall, I love helping people out I am always volunteering to do something without stopping to consider whether or not I have the time, energy, or resources to actually see it through. When you are overwhelmed it is especially important to know when to say no.

4. Drop the perfectionism - This one gets me in a lot of trouble as well. I get so focused on making sure everything is just perfect that I can’t seem to accomplish anything. When this happens I’ve learned it is time to shut-up the inner critic and just get the job done, perfectionism kills so set it aside. You can always go back to it later if you still aren’t satisfied.

5. Don’t forget to take care of yourself. If you can’t take care of you, you can’t take care of anybody else. So take some time to make yourself a priority now and then. I’m happiest in a hot bath with a good book, and that’s where I find my me time.

What do you do when you find yourself tipping the scale towards overwhelmed?

Have you ever heard someone talking about being authentic and wondered what that really meant?

For Halloween last year, my youngest chose to dress up as Wednesday Addams and asked me to dress as Pugsley. She and I got a lot of strange looks from the little girls in tights, sequins and blonde wigs. There were dozens of girls dressed as Hannah Montana, but only one dressed as a member of the Addam’s family.

While some may call us freaks for thinking outside of the box, I’d rather see my child choose creativity over conformity any day. Being an original instead of just another cheap carbon copy of someone else is a huge part of being authentic.

If you choose to be a follower be prepared to remain just another sheep for the rest of your life. Let’s face it, you can’t be “normal” and stand out in a crowd. You can’t be mediocre and make a real impact on the world.

Imagine the world if we were all the same, each and every one of us. There would be no more great art, because art is a reflection of the artist. There would be no more new fashion, there would be no more surprises, there would be no more magic in the world.

You can’t stay inside of the box your whole life without missing the adventure that IS life.

1. Find out what you are good at doing and do it

So many people go through life following plans that others have laid out for them. We spend so much time trying to force ourselves into molds that don’t fit.

We are all good at something, but none of us are good at everything. Take some time to get to know yourself, find out what you are good at, what you enjoy doing and find a way to do it as often as possible.

2. Accept the things you aren’t good at and move on

If we are all good at something then it stands to reason that we are all also very bad at doing certain things. What a boring world it would be if we all possessed equal skills in every area.

All would be mediocre, none would be exceptional. There are probably many things you aren’t good at, that’s okay. Whenever possible place your focus on what you can do, and accept the things you can’t do well.

3. Be spontaneous

Life was not meant to be scripted 100% of the time. Now and then you need to break away from the flock and do something just because you feel like it.

I am fond of breaking out in song or dance whenever the mood strikes me. Whatever it is you want to do, just this once do it. Don’t fuss, don’t plan, don’t over analyze what other people might think of you. Just do it.

4. Admit your faults, at least to yourself

This is really an extension of number 2. Nobody ever got anywhere by living in denial, while it may be a comfortable place for a time it was never meant to sustain us in the long term.

We all have faults, and most of the time they really are nothing to be ashamed of. I am far from perfect, but I accepted that fact long ago. Hating myself for each and every fault got me nowhere in life, accept that you too are imperfect and just keep going.

5. Question everything

This is a big one with me, I question authority, I question the media, I quite often question myself. It is a habit that drive people insane at times, but I’m not willing to accept anything short of the truth.

We live in a day and age where all of the information in the world is at our fingertips ready to be found at a moments notice. Just because someone said it is true doesn’t mean it is.

Develop your critical thinking skills by questioning the source as often as possible. If someone sends you an article you like that is filled with so called facts spend some time tracking those facts down.

Take a look at the other side of the argument, do you agree with one or the other, do you agree with both? Perhaps you see flaws and merits in both points of view.

Regardless of popular conviction you do not have to hold a view on the far left or the far right, it is perfectly okay to decide that the middle is where you belong on any issue.

6. Take responsibility for your own actions

Oh, this is a big one, and it should be familiar to anyone who has known me for any length of time. There is a reason I am so big on taking responsibility for yourself.

It took me a long time to figure out that by not taking responsibility for myself and my own actions I was handing control of my life over to others.

I make decisions all day every day, some decisions are good and some are bad. The moment I begin blaming another person for my decisions that don’t turn out the way I would like, I am giving up control of my life to them.

They can steer me anywhere they wish me to go and I am powerless to stop them. When you take responsibility for yourself you are captain of your own ship, so set a course for the destiny you choose for yourself.

7. Make conscious decisions

Life is a process of making decisions, most of the time the process is so automated that we don’t even realize that we played a part at all, but if you slow down and think things through you will often find that the course of action your life is taking is the direct result of an action you took in the past.

You didn’t have to send of that scathing email you write telling someone exactly what you thought of them, but you still chose to and there were consequences for that action.

In my years on this planet I have discovered a funny thing, I’ve discovered that in any war both sides blame the other for starting it while proclaiming their own innocence. They of course did nothing to deserve the treatment they are now getting.

I’ve also discovered that prisons are full of people who are innocent, most of them were framed or set up in some way.

Yet somewhere at the root of these things was a decision, and once the decision was made the wheels were set in motions and things went spinning out of control.

Take control of your decisions and take control of your life, don’t spend your life as a victim.

8. Respect yourself and others

Respect is something I see dying in our society more and more each day. I see people everywhere being disrespectful of others and even more so being disrespectful of themselves.

I see people so busy telling other people how to live their lives that they hardly have time to live their own. I see girls putting themselves on display like pieces of meat. I see husbands calling their wives horrible names.

I see parents complaining that their children do not respect them, and then I see those parents turn around and gossip about those they do not like in front of the child.

They teach their child to be disrespectful to others and are always surprised when it backfires and the child becomes disrespectful toward them. Children learn exactly what they live.

Respect is a basic element of human existence, without it society is doomed to self-destruct. Do your part by centering your life on respect today.

9. To thine own self be true

There is always someone out there willing to tell us how to live our life. They tell us how to look, how to act, how to feel. They tell us where we should work, or what we should enjoy doing in our free time.

They tell us who we may love and who we may not, they tell us how we should live. Always remember, they have their own life to live, and what works for them will not automatically work for you.

If you begin to step anywhere outside of that box they try to place you in you automatically become a freak in contrast to their idea of normal.

While one might think another person dresses like a freak, the other might think the first persons style of dress is too revealing. We are all different,

“Normal” is not a set standard, but a variable. Each of us defines normal in our own way, and what is normal for me might be abnormal for you.

It doesn’t matter what other people think in the end, find your own path to happiness and follow it. Be true to yourself and let the others talk.

10. Don’t allow fantasy to become reality

If you spend your time looking for the negative in life I promise you that you will find it. It is everywhere, it is in front of, behind, to left and to the right.

Negativity surrounds us like a long outgrown cocoon, and all we must do to see it is open our eyes. It isn’t the world that is negative most of the time, but your perception of it.

Life has a way of balancing out, and the key is to accept that bad times will come but it just means the good will return once again given enough time.

When you allow negative fantasies to grow in your mind they soon become larger than life. Allowing fantasy to grow into reality is a good way to become paranoid and delusional after a time.

The person who merely dislikes you is suddenly out to get you at every turn. Choose the thoughts you keep in your head wisely, the choice is yours.

Will you choose to see only negative, or will you choose to see the positive?

When you allow yourself to be freed from worries about what other people think about you, you are on your way to becoming an authentic person. So go ahead, crawl out of that box that was never made for you in the first place and start living the life you long to lead. Give yourself permission to be authentic today!