I've been thinking a lot about love these past few weeks.

Love is one of the most powerful forces in this world. People are willing to do just about anything in the name of love, love can and does make people crazy in ways they never dreamed.

Most people have been hurt by love at least once in their lives, yet go on to face the risks again and again, no matter how painful love can be when it goes wrong, love is still worth the risks.

We all have our own ways of defining love, but one of the largest difficulties in defining love is that love is not one concept but a cluster of many concepts.

Trust, honesty, intimacy, compassion, respect, these are all parts of love, but there are many, many more things that go into our own personal definitions of love. Our definitions of love begin developing from the moment our lives begin. Others model love for us, and we respond in kind.

It's no wonder then that some of our definitions of love hardly resemble love at all. Concepts such as trust, honesty, intimacy, compassion, and respect, should be a large part of any definition of love but all too often we have developed definitions that don't just minimize those important traits but leave them out entirely.

Trust

Trust is the foundation of every relationship, if the foundation is shaky then the whole relationship will follow suit. If you don't or can't trust your partner or they can't trust you then your relationship will eventually crumble.

Honesty

Life is too short to be dishonest. Lies and omissions can and will destroy relationships. If you are in a relationship where you or your partner fears being honest, then it is time to reevaluate your views on relationships as a whole.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a difficult subject for many people. When we fear intimacy we surround ourselves with walls. We assure ourselves that those walls are there to protect us, to keep ourselves safe but those walls also isolate us and keep us from living life to its fullest.

Compassion

Compassion requires not only recognizing, but understanding the suffering of others, it requires a desire to alleviate that suffering whenever possible. In a relationship, when your partner suffers you feel their pain to some extent, and love means doing something about that pain even if it is just finding a way to cheer them up, allowing them to cry on your shoulder, or buying them their favorite take-out.

Respect

Respect for others is becoming rather uncommon these days, but the amount of respect you hold for others often mirrors the respect you have (or lack) for yourself. Respect is essential to the healthy functioning of all relationships.

Many of us focus on giving those things to others but giving should be well balanced with receiving. Our definitions of love are bound to be as individual as we are, but these 5 ingredients are great stepping stones to defining healthy relationships.

Early this week I got a phone call from a long time friend letting me know that her mother passed away, and she was in town to make arrangements. Loss is one area I've never been very good at dealing with.

My driving force in life is making people smile. I don't like seeing people sad, and when I do I want to help them be happy again but how do you go about doing that when someone has just lost such an important part of their life.

Loss is one of the most difficult aspects of life, but it is also one of the most unavoidable.

There are many different ways to experience grief, but the most often cited follow a series usually known as the five stages of grief.

† Denial - This isn't really happening.
† Anger - This isn't fair, why me?
† Bargaining - I'll do anything to stop this pain.
† Depression - It hurts so bad...
† Acceptance - I'm ready to move on

We all go through these phases at some point or another, we go them in different orders, with different timeliness involved, and in our own personal way, but we do go through them.

I want to cheer my friend up, to do whatever I can whenever I can to help, but right now I understand that her sadness is part of her process, and it is important.

As a friend my job isn't to take away her pain right now, but to be there while she is experiencing it, to offer myself in whatever form she may need, but at the same time not pressuring her, and allowing her to experience whatever she needs to experience whenever she needs to experience it.

It doesn't matter whether the loss suffered is that of a loved one, or a piece of yourself an adjustment period will most likely be necessary.

It is strange but before that call came I was hard at work on my latest project, a project dedicated to survivors of abuse and once again I am talking about loss, loss of a different kind. Not so much a loss of others, but a loss of self, a loss of hopes, a loss of dreams, a loss of innocence.

The process is very similar, and so is the response of anyone who functions in supporting an abuse survivor, our job isn't to take away their pain right now, but to be there while they are experiencing it, to offer ourselves in whatever form they may need, but at the same time not pressuring them, and allowing them to experience whatever they need to experience whenever they need to experience it.

She has been one of my longest running friends, we met in our late teens and eighteen years later we have moved to different states, been through marriages and divorces, watched our kids grow, and still get together and giggle like school girls when we get the chance.

So I'm going to be gone the rest of this week just being with my friend, she has a lot of work to do in a very short time and at least when I am helping I feel like I am contributing something to her at the moment - even if it is just helping pack up her mothers belongings.

Be well...

Life flows as the river, ever moving, ever changing. On the surface, very little changes from day to day, but in reality the river is never the same today as it will be tomorrow. Even the smallest events in our life cause great changes in the flow of the river.

Is it human nature to fear those changes? To want the river to stop moving and changing and just be still? We hold on to today with all our might, until it becomes yesterday, then last week, then last year.

Before we know it many years have passed and we are still trying to hold the river back, to keep it from changing, the river moved on without us long ago, we just failed to notice, to believe, or to accept that time moved on without us.

So it goes with love, so it goes with anger, so it goes with life.

I look at the love in my past, holding on with all my might only to watch it slip away. Capturing love is much like trying to capture water in your bare hands. The tighter you grasp it, the faster it slips through your fingers.

Even if we did manage to capture it forever, still water all to soon becomes stagnant. Water must keep moving, it must travel its course, and as much as it my hurt us to do so, we must let it. If we change the course of the river, we change its very nature.

It takes a great deal of strength to love, and still let go, but strength is what you are made of. You may not always see it, but it is there. It has been there always. The strength of the river is also in you...

So it goes with love, so it goes with sadness, so it goes with life.