It has been a really negative year for everyone, you can't even turn on the news without seeing more negativity.

Fighting and name calling are becoming par for the course. Our own government is acting more like a class of preschoolers than a leadership body made up of mature adults. Not just one party, but both are playing the "I don't like you so you can't come to my birthday party" game.

I used to joke that maturity was overrated, but a little bit of maturity wouldn't hurt any of us right now. If you have a truth to speak, then by all means speak it but the minute we resort to including personal attacks and name calling we can no longer consider ourselves responsible adults.

One of my favorite parenting experts is a woman named Susan Stiffelman, she calls her parenting approach Passionate Parenting

Through her program I have learned many things, but most of all she has taught me the futility of power struggles. The more you seek to control another person, the more they resist that control, and the faster you lose the control you seek.

Perhaps she should expand her book to explain that that applies to every situation, not just our own children. We can all share our views as loudly and even as aggressively as possible, but if it is important enough to share then it should be our goal to try to get other people to hear and hopefully understand us?

When we shut them out before they even get a chance to hear it, what is the point of saying it at all?

It has been a year since I made the commitment to remain positive no matter what the situation. I picked a bad year to do it, and as hard as I have tried I still have a very long way to go.

Along the way I have had to cut out a lot of activities, going to my much loved locals only site is just one of those things. Not because anyone there has been unkind to me or attacked me in any way, but because the negativity is not only a physical but an emotional drain.

Those who teach positive living say that it takes five positives to counteract a single negative. If so then the cloud of negativity hanging over this country is going to take centuries to conquer.

Those same experts also teach that we should not focus on what we don't have, but what we do have. Instead of focusing on what is going wrong, we are supposed to focus on what is right.

I'm not saying that it is a bad thing to speak your mind or to disagree with what is going on in the government right now. I'm just saying before you complain, see if you can find a way to turn that complaint into positive action.

One thing I have always stressed to my children is that bitching has never solved a single problem. Instead of focusing on the problem, focus first on the lessons we can learn from it and then focus on finding the solution.

My children understand this concept, but so few adults seem to these days. Even my children know that smart people use their brains, the rest resort to calling names.

What are we teaching our children right now?

That is is better to hate than to love?
That it is better to complain that to take action?
That it is okay to call other people names as long as you don't like them?
That anyone who does not agree with you is the enemy?

Children do learn these lessons whether we mean to teach them or not, and it might seem okay to teach them to attack that which they do not like but... there will be times in every child's life when they do not like us.

When those lessons come back to us, they sometimes hurt.

One area of our life affects every other. If we insist we are teaching our children respect but can't offer respect to our neighbor or even our president, then we aren't teaching them respect at all.

We are teaching them to hate, and we really have no right to be surprised when that hate comes back home. Teach them love, and compassion, teach them to speak their truth respectfully, teach them to create not to destroy.

I've been thinking a lot about love these past few weeks.

Love is one of the most powerful forces in this world. People are willing to do just about anything in the name of love, love can and does make people crazy in ways they never dreamed.

Most people have been hurt by love at least once in their lives, yet go on to face the risks again and again, no matter how painful love can be when it goes wrong, love is still worth the risks.

We all have our own ways of defining love, but one of the largest difficulties in defining love is that love is not one concept but a cluster of many concepts.

Trust, honesty, intimacy, compassion, respect, these are all parts of love, but there are many, many more things that go into our own personal definitions of love. Our definitions of love begin developing from the moment our lives begin. Others model love for us, and we respond in kind.

It's no wonder then that some of our definitions of love hardly resemble love at all. Concepts such as trust, honesty, intimacy, compassion, and respect, should be a large part of any definition of love but all too often we have developed definitions that don't just minimize those important traits but leave them out entirely.

Trust

Trust is the foundation of every relationship, if the foundation is shaky then the whole relationship will follow suit. If you don't or can't trust your partner or they can't trust you then your relationship will eventually crumble.

Honesty

Life is too short to be dishonest. Lies and omissions can and will destroy relationships. If you are in a relationship where you or your partner fears being honest, then it is time to reevaluate your views on relationships as a whole.

Intimacy

Intimacy is a difficult subject for many people. When we fear intimacy we surround ourselves with walls. We assure ourselves that those walls are there to protect us, to keep ourselves safe but those walls also isolate us and keep us from living life to its fullest.

Compassion

Compassion requires not only recognizing, but understanding the suffering of others, it requires a desire to alleviate that suffering whenever possible. In a relationship, when your partner suffers you feel their pain to some extent, and love means doing something about that pain even if it is just finding a way to cheer them up, allowing them to cry on your shoulder, or buying them their favorite take-out.

Respect

Respect for others is becoming rather uncommon these days, but the amount of respect you hold for others often mirrors the respect you have (or lack) for yourself. Respect is essential to the healthy functioning of all relationships.

Many of us focus on giving those things to others but giving should be well balanced with receiving. Our definitions of love are bound to be as individual as we are, but these 5 ingredients are great stepping stones to defining healthy relationships.

Education is one of the most powerful tools we have in the battle against domestic violence and sexual assault. Educating yourself and using that knowledge to educate others empowers the whole community to take their stand.

Advocates serve a very important role in ending domestic violence and sexual assault in their communities. They are there to educate, assist, and help connect people to the resources they may need to deal with obstacles and difficulties in their lives.

The San Miguel Resource Center will once again be offering free Advocacy classes in the West End of Montrose and San Miguel Counties.

Advocates can be male or female, they can come from any background imaginable. All that is required is a desire to make a difference. Though you must be at least 18 to become an advocate, some high school students may wish to take the course to fill volunteer hours if needed.

Advocates who complete the course will be eligible to serve on the 24 hour crisis hotline or to volunteer in a number of ways throughout the community. Advocates can volunteer as much or as little as they choose, or they may just take the class for education and personal enrichment with no obligation at all.

Classes are a full 40 hours and will be held at the Nucla Town Hall beginning on October 27 and run until November 12th. The classes are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6 to 9, and will include one Saturday class on November 7th from 9 to 3.

The San Miguel Resource Center is a non-profit organization dedicated to eliminating domestic violence and sexual assault. Though they are based in Telluride, Colorado, they serve many of the surrounding communities, and are always seeking men and women who are willing to make a difference.

Once again Classes begin at the Nucla Town Hall on October 27, and will run Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6PM-9PM, with one Saturday class on November 7th from 9AM to 3PM. A total of 40 hours.

To register call:

Megan (970) 728-5842 Ext 3#
or
Angela (970) 864-2274

You may also email advocates @ sanmiguelresourcecenter.org if you would like more information, or to register for the classes.

I hope to see you there!