A tongue in cheek survival guide to life with a nemesis.

Every super hero has a villain, every main character an antagonist. I’m neither, but most of us have a nemesis or two lurking in the sidelines. Whatever you choose to call them, they aren’t a fun part of life, but they are sadly non-negotiable.

We can learn a lot from comic books in that regard. Yet you can deal with them, and actually have fun doing it if you try...

1. Always refer to them as “the nemesis”, it makes them a lot more fun to talk about.

2. A nemesis usually has a cool name, and often a PHD. So always calling them Dr. Psychonuts in public is a plus. Don’t forget to add a really cool back story, about how they got their evil powers. Maybe a radioactive meth lab explosion, nuclear STD’s, atomic wedgie from revealing clothing. Whatever it is it should be radioactive, or at the very least chemical in nature, it is a well known fact that all super powers, good, evil or otherwise comes from something that glows.

3. Super heroes and villains don’t run in the same circles for a reason. Don’t run in the same circles as yours. It’s not good business for either of you. Let your friends decide on their own which side to take, and if they side with the nemesis, seriously reconsider your definition of friendship.

4. A super villain always has a plot, so beware of your nemesis, they are probably plotting as we speak. It doesn’t matter if it is to take over the world, or just ruin your lawn. They are plotting, always, beware. If you are ready for it, it is easier to contain the damage later.

5. A nemesis always goes for the smear campaign. In the case of a super hero, the villain always tries to use the media against them. In your case it’s probably just the gossip chain. They might print photos of third world children working in your factory, they might just accuse you of kicking puppies. Become impervious to the damages now, it will save you in the long run.

6. Villains are usually under the delusion that they are making the world a better place. Your nemesis is no different. Villains are never mentally stable. Intelligent? Yes. Creative? Certainly. They are also insane. If they think they are doing the world a favor by running it for them, let them. You know better don’t you?

7. They are always in it for the fame, the press coverage, the sheer attention. (Okay sometimes they are in it for money too...) If you deny them that, you deny them their sole outlet. Hence you win. Don’t give them attention they don’t deserve.

8. Remember, no matter what the plan is, it always blows up in their face eventually. It looks pretty bad when you are in the middle of the plot line, but you can wait it out. Sooner or later their plan will be foiled, they will pay the consequences, and you will be back in business.

9. No matter how many times the villain is caught, no matter how many times they fail they never really learn. It is impossible for them to learn from their mistakes because they don’t really believe they make any. They are always foiled, and they always return. Look at it this way, without them, who would be there to keep you on the straight and narrow?

10. Finally, the good guy is always the good guy and the bad guy is always the bad guy. They never swap roles. Sometimes it seems like the good guy has gone evil, and sometimes it seems like the bad guy has changed. Both the hero and the villain always show their true colors in the end. Wait it out.

Bonus Tip: If you really can’t handle your nemesis, just pretend they don’t exist. They just spontaneously combusted when one of their latest experiments went wrong. No matter what they do or say, they no longer exist. It leads to a rather lovely early super hero retirement. You can get back to your real life, you know, where you belong. Forget them.

The number one tip in dealing with a nemesis is learning how to laugh at them, and more importantly at yourself.

Have fun

I can’t tell you how to stop gossip totally, in order to do that, you would have to find a way to magically control other people. Since that is not possible, and probably never will be, the next best thing is to find a way to live with it.

Try to understand they are not gossiping about you to make you feel bad, but to make themselves feel better. They are the ones with a problem, so try not to make it your problem. Maintain your ability to think rationally, and do your best to stay as emotionally detached from the gossip as much as possible.

Think about all of the times you have heard similar gossip about someone else. Did it really ruin their life, or did they just allow it to? Your mind tends to create your reality, if you are convinced that everyone is talking about you behind your back, then it doesn’t matter if they are or not.

You will hear them talking with every step you take. So keep your mind under your control, and don’t let your imagination run away with you. Don’t allow your mind to inflate the threat into something that is larger than it really is.

If someone is saying things about you that aren’t true, you can always find comfort in knowing that as long as you know the truth, nobody else really matters. The truth always comes out, and we often come out of it better people in the bargain. When you can, wait it out. This to shall pass, just give it time.

In some cases publicly confronting your accuser might work. Asking them how they could possibly know something about you when you weren’t aware of it yourself sometimes works. If someone says they saw you doing something you didn’t do, ask them for details. Put them on the spot, and make them stumble on their own excuses.

If it deals with something personal such as sexual behavior, or STD’s, there is only one way they can possibly know that information, by being a part of it themselves. However, if your accuser is a fast thinker, this one can easily backfire. Someone who is used to lying, will not have a problem telling another lie to save face.

The next best thing is to learn to deflect the gossip with humor. As casually as you can throw out a remark like “That is so last month.” or “Really? Last week I was pregnant with Elvis’s baby.” The more ridiculous the better.

Another trick I have learned when dealing with gossip, is when it is true don’t be afraid to admit it. There is nothing wrong with saying “I really screwed up.” More people will respect you for being honest, than will disrespect you for making a mistake.

Do not make excuses for your behavior. Excuses are often seen as an admission of guilt. Our response easily determines how much credibility people give to the gossip. If you hang your head in shame, they are going to assume you have something to be ashamed of.

For the most part, most gossip today will not matter tomorrow. People will forget, and move on, and all you have to do is wait it out. While you are waiting, try to learn a lesson about gossip, if it hurts you when other people say it, then it hurts other people when you say it.

If your first thought is lawsuit, think again. Lawsuits are expensive, have small judgments that will most likely never be collected. Win or lose, you usually draw even more unwanted attention to the gossip, and can do more harm to your own reputation than just ignoring it would have.

If you do go to court, the burden of proof is heavy, and these cases are very difficult to win. If you lose, people will usually assume it was because the gossip was true in the first place, even if it wasn’t. Taking legal action should always be a last resort in any situation.

The rumor mill in a small town is always churning, people talk and there is always someone willing to listen, especially when it is gossip of the juicy sort. Even if you gave up everything and moved into a cave in the hills, people would still gossip about why you did it.

Just going on with your life as if it had never happened is often the best response to a bad situation. If nothing else it proves that you have a life, while those gossiping about you obviously have nothing better to do with their time.

No matter what, hold your head high. Face it with dignity, and courage and you will win respect no matter what the rumors are about. Look people in the eye, and smile. This alone works wonders.

You can’t talk about small towns, without talking about gossip. The two go hand in hand, people will always talk about other people, and there is no way to stop it. Gossip is very rarely based in fact, and sometimes it just plain hurts. People can be cruel, most of us learned this in grade school. That doesn’t always stop us from gossiping ourselves when the subject arises.

Gossip has many definitions. My pastor once told me that if you are not the subject of the gossip, and are not actively finding a solution then it is gossip. That’s not a bad definition if you really think about it. If it is none of your business, then it is gossip.

Gossip, believe it or not is a part of human nature and a valuable part of interpersonal relationships. This importance increases in a small town. For example when our local grocery store closed down, it was mostly rumors and gossip that kept us informed of the events. Some of the information was sketchy at best, but in this case it did involve us, and people wanted to know.

So how is it that we know that someone’s house burned down, or their child is sick? Our newspaper comes out once a week, television news crews don’t even know we are here. We rely heavily on the gossip chain to find out about the events that affect our community. We hear it from other people, who hear it from other people, who...

Gossip actually served a larger purpose in days past, there was a time when a woman almost had to have a man to survive. If her husband passed away or left her, she and her children were likely to starve. These women counted on their neighbors to help them out when times got tough, so they actually devoted time to maintaining a close connection with other members of their community. So women gossiping over the fence about their neighbors was actually based on the need to communicate, to bond with others and to survive.

Gossip also teaches us the rules of appropriate social behavior, and keeps us accountable to others for our own actions. If we act in a way that is not socially acceptable, people talk about it, and often that is enough to keep us on the straight and narrow. Gossip tells us who we can and can not trust in our community. If someone gets a bad reputation, yes gossip is usually behind it. It is much easier to maintain a good reputation, than it is to re-build it. So most people work hard to protect their reputation in the first place.

Scientists have studied gossip in many forms, and they have found that a balance is required. It is not healthy to gossip too much, or too little. Negative gossip has negative results, and positive gossip has positive results. It doesn’t just ruin the reputation of the person you are gossiping about, it ruins your reputation as well. So what exactly is positive gossip?

When you pass a compliment from one person to another, it makes them feel good, but it also makes you feel good as well. When you congratulate them on a piece of good news you have heard, you are passing on more good feelings. Nobody wants to develop a reputation as a trouble maker or gossip monger, so grandma really was right. If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

So there you have they why of gossip, and a little bit of the how. The real question is, how do you survive it?