We all have those moments in our life. Those moments where our perception shifts, and we finally get the motivation to do something we have wanted to do for a long time. One of mine was seeing a beer sitting in front of an empty bar stool, another was realizing my super hero aunt was a mere mortal, but still super in her own way.

My grandfather left our small town just out of High School, he joined the Navy and performed as a medic through the Korean war. After he got out of the military, he attended med school. He never finished med school, too many children came too close together so he put college off planning to re-enroll someday when his situation improved. It never did.

As hard as I tried I was never able to see that would be doctor in my grandfather. Instead of giving his life to helping others, it was taken over by alcohol. If I wanted to see my grandfather I had to go to the bar, always the same bar, always the same bar stool.

On the day of my grandfathers funeral, his bar stool stood empty. In front of his stool sat a lone beer left as a last tribute. I kept looking at that beer and thinking about all of the things my Grandfather could have been.

I knew in that moment, if nothing else, I want to leave behind something more than an empty bar stool and a lonely beer.

My family has inspired me in so many ways, my grandfather and his lost dreams my aunt Tammy and her found ones.

My aunt Tammy was my hero as a child, she still is in many ways. Not only did she give me a life long love of learning, all she has to do to accomplish something is make up her mind to do it most of the time.

When I was a kid I thought she was magic. Things just happened for her. As an adult I finally realized that just like me she is human. The only thing she had that I didn’t was the determination to do it.

My grandfather adored her, and I think I understand why now. He let hardship and circumstances rob him of his dreams and she followed them. In her own way, she redeemed him. They were cut from the same cloth, they just made different choices and that was all.

It was just one of those moments in life that inspires you towards change. It inspired me to continue educating myself even if I could not afford college. It inspired me to follow my dreams. It inspired me to try to leave something behind for my children that counted for something.

It inspired me to stop dreaming and start doing.

You can find your inspirations in everyday life if you just keep your eyes and your mind open, paradigm shifts are everywhere.

I love you grandpa, and I love you Tammy.

Thank you.

Recently I came to a major crossroad in my life.

I thought I would feel sad, disappointed, maybe even a little bit guilty when I finally confirmed my suspicions, but for some strange reason I don’t. I feel free. I feel like I have a gigantic secret, part of me wants to shout it to the world and another part wants to keep it all to myself forever.

The thing is, I came to it on my own. I didn’t let others negativity, or opinions get in my way. I made my own decision, and it feels really good.

It doesn’t matter what you are uncertain about in your own life. A decision you must make perhaps. How long have you sat on the fence frozen by indecision? How long have you held on to things you no longer believe in just because someone else thinks you should? What are you really afraid of?

These are all questions I had to ask myself on this particular journey.

I will tell you that it was one of the most difficult journeys I have faced in my life. It meant risking the disapproval of many people that I look up to, people I would much rather please than disappoint.

It meant thinking for myself and not allowing the opinions of others, no matter how passionate sway my path. It meant making up my own mind, and standing firm on it. The old me, the door mat of the universe didn’t like it one bit, but this time I had to tell her I knew what I was doing.

I was asking questions and seeking answers even if I might not like the answers I found. There were so many negative possibilities, so many doubts and fears, so many what if’s along the way. Yet it was important enough to me to continue on this path.

So as silly as it sounds to some when I say, “I made a decision on my own,” it wasn’t easy by any means. To decide that this was one thing I wanted to figure out all by myself was a huge step for me. At times it was agony. It meant wrestling with more inner demons that I even knew I had.

My self-esteem is far from rock solid, my positive thinking is as wavering as the tide. I do not hold myself above the thoughts or opinions of others, in fact most of my life I’ve allowed those things to keep me from being able to trust my own thoughts, my own abilities, to listen to my own intuition.

Building self esteem isn’t like building a house, build it and there it is for all the world to see, able to stand against the daily ups and downs of life. It’s more like building a sand castle on the oceans edge. Some waves miss it entirely, some take a little piece of it, and sometimes you have to start again from the ground up.

I was always afraid of having self-esteem, unsure of the difference between self-esteem and narcissism. I’ve known a few narcissists in my life, and they have a way of making life miserable for everyone else around them. Each time I took a step towards liking myself, I was terrified of the prospect of loving myself too much.

I had to accept that they are not the same thing by any means.

Narcissism is an exceptional interest in and admiration for yourself. You’ll hurt other people if needed, just to maintain it.

Self-esteem is simply a feeling of pride in yourself. Feeling like you have done something good, not everything, but something.

You don’t get this from anyone but yourself. You can’t get it from taking advantage of others, from whining about how the deck was stacked against you, from believing that the world owes you something. That is the difference.

That negative self-love comes when you take from those around you.

Self-esteem only comes from giving yourself chance to shine.

That is the feeling I share with you today. The happiness a person feels when they accomplish a difficult task. When they don’t do what is easy but what is right. When you stop waiting for the world to finally deal you some decent cards, and you find a way to make it happen.

Whatever it is, it feels good. Self-esteem is a journey in and of itself. It’s not accomplishing one thing, but a succession of things that make you feel good about being you. It’s not letting every mistake hang you up, it’s learning from those mistakes, finally being in charge of your own destiny that feels good.

Whatever it is you are putting off, take another look at it. Whatever part of your life you are afraid to remodel, start thinking about how good it will feel when you have accomplished it. It’s not one huge step that changes your life, but many, many small steps in the right direction.

Take that first step right now.

As you have probably figured out on your own, my interests are varied. They tend to focus on psychology, religion, and relationships but just those three subjects alone can branch into a multitude of side topics. So a few days ago I was talking about witchcraft, and today I am talking about the Egyptian book of the Dead.

I just read this and I thought it was beautiful. What a wonderful world we would live in if we could all stand up and honestly speak these truths?

(Maat is the Egyptian word similar to truth. It means more than just truth though; among other meanings are "justice," "purity," "balance," and "order.")

In truth, I now come to you, and I have brought Maat to you,
And I have destroyed wickedness for you.
I have committed no evil upon men.
I have not oppressed the members of my family.
I have not wrought evil in the place of right and truth.
I have had no knowledge of useless men.
I have brought about no evil.
I did not rise in the morning and expect more than was due to me.
I have not brought my name forward to be praised.
I have not oppressed servants.
I have not scorned any god.
I have not defrauded the poor of their property.
I have not done what the gods abominate.
I have not cause harm to be done to a servant by his master.
I have not caused pain.
I have caused no man to hunger.
I have made no one weep.
I have not killed.
I have not given the order to kill.
I have not inflicted pain on anyone.
I have not stolen the drink left for the gods in the temples.
I have not stolen the cakes left for the gods in the temples.
I have not stolen the cakes left for the dead in the temples.
I have not fornicated.
I have not polluted myself.
I have not diminished the bushel when I've sold it.
I have not added to or stolen land.
I have not encroached on the land of others.
I have not added weights to the scales to cheat buyers.
I have not misread the scales to cheat buyers.
I have not stolen milk from the mouths of children.
I have not driven cattle from their pastures.
I have not captured the birds of the preserves of the gods.
I have not caught fish with bait made of like fish.
I have not held back the water when it should flow.
I have not diverted the running water in a canal.
I have not put out a fire when it should burn.
I have not violated the times when meat should be offered to the gods.
I have not driven off the cattle from the property of the gods.
I have not stopped a god in his procession through the temple, 4
I am pure.
I am pure.
I am pure.
I am pure.