Early this week I got a phone call from a long time friend letting me know that her mother passed away, and she was in town to make arrangements. Loss is one area I've never been very good at dealing with.

My driving force in life is making people smile. I don't like seeing people sad, and when I do I want to help them be happy again but how do you go about doing that when someone has just lost such an important part of their life.

Loss is one of the most difficult aspects of life, but it is also one of the most unavoidable.

There are many different ways to experience grief, but the most often cited follow a series usually known as the five stages of grief.

† Denial - This isn't really happening.
† Anger - This isn't fair, why me?
† Bargaining - I'll do anything to stop this pain.
† Depression - It hurts so bad...
† Acceptance - I'm ready to move on

We all go through these phases at some point or another, we go them in different orders, with different timeliness involved, and in our own personal way, but we do go through them.

I want to cheer my friend up, to do whatever I can whenever I can to help, but right now I understand that her sadness is part of her process, and it is important.

As a friend my job isn't to take away her pain right now, but to be there while she is experiencing it, to offer myself in whatever form she may need, but at the same time not pressuring her, and allowing her to experience whatever she needs to experience whenever she needs to experience it.

It doesn't matter whether the loss suffered is that of a loved one, or a piece of yourself an adjustment period will most likely be necessary.

It is strange but before that call came I was hard at work on my latest project, a project dedicated to survivors of abuse and once again I am talking about loss, loss of a different kind. Not so much a loss of others, but a loss of self, a loss of hopes, a loss of dreams, a loss of innocence.

The process is very similar, and so is the response of anyone who functions in supporting an abuse survivor, our job isn't to take away their pain right now, but to be there while they are experiencing it, to offer ourselves in whatever form they may need, but at the same time not pressuring them, and allowing them to experience whatever they need to experience whenever they need to experience it.

She has been one of my longest running friends, we met in our late teens and eighteen years later we have moved to different states, been through marriages and divorces, watched our kids grow, and still get together and giggle like school girls when we get the chance.

So I'm going to be gone the rest of this week just being with my friend, she has a lot of work to do in a very short time and at least when I am helping I feel like I am contributing something to her at the moment - even if it is just helping pack up her mothers belongings.

Be well...