I am a big believer in parenting children from both emotional and logical standpoints, that balance allows us to make difficult decisions that benefit our children most. I truly believe that my job as a parent is to do what is best for my children, even when it means a difficult choice for me.

I have talked about my daughter spending a year in Germany some here and there. There were many reasons for this decision, first of all it was just an opportunity I couldn’t deprive her of. A chance to have a wider view of the world, to find adventure.

She’s a good kid, it wasn’t like I sent her there because she was out of control, or difficult in anyway. She isn’t, she is a smart kid, very responsible and respectful. I’m in no way relieved to be rid of her, I miss her horribly.

A big part of our decision was the fact that we live in a small town, and while there are many good things about raising children in a rural area there are those things that aren’t so positive as well.

People are quick to judge, and my oldest likes to challenge those who have narrow views. There is a certain expectation of conformity in a small town, in that respect my daughter was doomed just by way of being my offspring.

When you raise your children to think outside of the box, you are in a way condemning them as much as benefiting them. I raised her not to fit in, but to be herself and speak her mind. I don’t want her to live to please others... I want her to find happiness for herself in the future whatever that might mean to her, I want that for all of my children.

I have already considered just letting her finish High School in Germany a few times, she is getting a far better education there than she could here. She also has a chance at a real social life that isn’t possible in a town that doesn’t even have a grocery store let alone a theater or concerts.

I had thought about it, but each time I did it hurt so bad to think about living without her that long, that I didn’t really think about it for long. Not until she brought up the subject herself last week.

My first response was “NO, I can’t live without you...” but, the more I thought about it, the more I realized she can’t actually live here. What my head wants, and what my heart wants, are two different things entirely.

We are all faced with decisions that put our values to the test, when we face a choice between what is right, and what is easiest. This has been one of those times for me.

I spent the last seven months getting through each day telling myself she wasn’t gone for good, she would come home soon, and we could resume our close relationship like nothing ever happened.

Now that isn’t happening. She will still be here for summers, but damn, I’m going to miss that girl. I'm going to miss some very important events in her life, things I planned on being there for.

I will survive, of that I have no doubt. It isn't really about me at all, I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. It turns out she is a big girl too, and I'm proud of her.

Even better, she will thrive. She will have opportunities there that I can’t give her here... they have already started her on a cosmetology education... she will be a better, stronger, happier person. She's in Europe, how cool is that?

She told me that one of her friends in Germany asked her about me the other day. She answered “I love my Mom, she is my everything.” I know she loves me, but I know she loves herself too. That's pretty cool.

I have always known that a day would come when I had to set my babies free, I didn’t however expect it to come quite this soon. I still have to go through this three more times. Right now I am trying to convince myself that it will get easier... but I don’t quite believe it.

There are times when have to pull inside of myself, and this is one of those times. I have to step back, lick my wounds for awhile, and when I’m ready I’ll be back. Right now, I’m having a difficult time writing, but I will be back... I just need a little bit of time to adjust.