"Sexual abuse is like a bullet that's never been removed." - Ksenia Oustiougova

Sexual Abuse leaves scars. Even the survivors themselves sometimes forget how deeply that damage can run. Long after the initial wound has healed, the things we don't see can be just as painful as the original wound. Years later, those fragments are there inside of us. Pressing on nerves, causing new and different complications in our daily lives.

Many years ago, my great uncle, Hal and a friend were out target shooting. Afterward, they returned to Hal's home and were sitting in the living room visiting. After they were comfortable, Hal went to remove the gun from its holster when it caught. A shot rang through the house.

His friend looked at him surprised. "Hal are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He said. "Just scared me, that's all." Neither of them could see any place in the room where the bullet had gone.

A few minutes later my uncle's friend looked at Hal strangely asking if Hal was sure he was alright.

"Yes, why?

"Because you are bleeding like a stuck pig."

My uncle hadn't even felt the bullet enter his body. By the time his friend noticed it, it was almost too late. My uncle was rushed to the E. R. and flown out to Denver.

There was little hope that he would survive his injury. Doctors said there was no point in repairing most of the damage, my uncle was a goner. They patched him up enough to make him presentable, then phone calls were made so the family could say their last good-byes.

Hal didn't give up that easily. He fought his way back, and it would be some time before the doctors opened him up again to survey the damage caused that day.

When they went in to clean him up all those years later they found a great deal of scar tissue. The bullet that struck him was a hollow point, as it passed through his rib cage it broke apart. So in addition to bone fragments, he also had several smaller pieces of lead in his body.

Some of those fragments had worked their way toward his spine over the years and were pressing on nerves. The doctors did the best they could to remove all of it, but up until his death a few fragments remained because they were too close to his spine to be removed safely.

When we survive sexual abuse, it isn't all that different from my Uncle's gunshot wound.

Most people see what is on the surface. They may see the scar tissue on the outside, but once it is healed over they assume that all is well. Some of us work very hard to keep people from even seeing that initial scar.

A huge part of the healing process is recognizing those fragments that are causing our discomfort. Making a conscious effort to remove them from our lives whenever possible. Learning to live comfortably with those parts that can't be removed entirely.

People so often see physical injuries as the only "real" threats to our lives. It is easy to be sympathetic towards someone when they have suffered a gunshot wound. To allow them the time to heal properly. Remind them to take care of themselves. See to it that they focus on their own recovery.

I've found that healing from an emotional injury requires many of the same things as healing physically. Taking care of our emotional selves is just as important as taking care of our physical selves and it requires many of the same steps. Eating right. Giving ourselves time to rest. Giving ourselves permission to heal properly. Not pushing ourselves to do too much too fast. Focusing on our recovery without guilt or shame.

Giving ourselves permission to be less than perfect.

No, those injuries may not be visible to the outside world, but as long as you know they are there you can focus on healing them. You can work those fragments out one by one, step by step, day by day.

This is the path of the survivor.

This post is part of a Survivors Network Blogging project.

See who else is blogging on the topic. "Sexual Abuse is like a Bullet That's Never Been Removed"

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Taking back my body
Sexual Abuse is like a Bullet That's Never Been Removed

Thank you ladies!